High Priests

Apple suing bloggers who won’t divulge their leaks is a good thing.

The First Amendment might protect their flannel-clad asses for publishing the leaks, but it certainly doesnRt protect the people who signed disclosure contracts and then violated those contracts.

Critics site the “chilling effect” such an action results in. The response to that is that’s right, you dope-chewing lawyer-gobbling lightweight.”

One of precious few responsibilities of government that actually matter is maintaining a legal system that respects contracts. Otherwise you don’t have a country. Well, technically you have a country if you can call a Third World anarchy a country. Ruling who has and who does’t have the right to express themselves means you don’t have freedom of speech.

Jeez, it shouldn’t take a numbskull like Knuckles to point this out. Sometimes it scares the crap outta Johnny to be smartest one in the room. Okay, okay. So usually no one else is in the room.

What is driving Knuckles crazy about this story is that Apple lawyers are arguing that bloggers aren’t proper members of the Journalistic High Priesthood. If any Knuckleheads are near Cupertino, please deliver a cruel-but-fair bitch-slapping to the lawyers for the good of Western Civilization.

The First Amendment neither mentions nor requires laminated press passes, a blow-dyed coif, or even an insatiable quench for free booze. (Knuckles only meets one of those criteria.) Parsing what the First Amendment covers in terms of political speech or commercial speech, and who can exercise the right misses the entire point of a freedom.

Some people -- conservatives included -- argue that Freedom of Speech needs limits because you can’t yell “FIRE!” in a crowded theater. Well, here’s a clue.

You can yell fire in a theater if THERE. IS. A. FIRE. IN. THE. THEATER.

What would do if you were in a crowded theater and noticed a fire breaking out in the balcony? Leave quietly and let everyone cook?

Quiz: Does yelling “FIRE!” create more panic that the ear-splitting KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-My baby! Where’s my baby!-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG-KLANG of the fire alarm?

Oh, so you’re not allowed to yell fire in a theater if there is no fire. But that is called fraud. False utterance. Lies. Um, that’s covered in the legal system. Fraud is, uh, (Sound of pages riffling in legal dictionary. Boom of heavy book being closed with finality)...a crime!

So the First Amendment doesn’ apply to yelling “FIRE!” in the theater. It doesn’t protect anyone engaged in fraud...such as the assdrip employees at Apple who leaked whatever the fuck it was they leaked.

(Well, there go Knuckles’ shot at ever getting highly sensitive, traffic-building leaks in the future. Damn, where’s the “rescind post” option on this damn Mac?)

Link via Drudge.