Just now, in the last five minutes, Knuckles' made the parental transition from his kids being "the cutest, smartest, bestest children in the world" to "they must die."
Before you call the Children's Protection League, please allow Knuckles a moment to set the scene. All morning daughter Ophelia was excited about a mango Mrs. Knuckles had brought home from the green grocer. Mango this and mango that. Even cool son Nelson was interested.
Before heading out the door to work, Knuckles was persuaded to stay and watch The Eating Of The Mango. Mrs. Knuckles sawed off a small chunk for each. They popped the mess into their mouths and... nothing. There they stood. Two statues. Mouths shut. Eyes narrowing.
Finally, "Whe ca I spi i ouw?"
Resigned Mrs. Knuckles opens the trash and they both spit out the goo.
(And Ophelia eats black olives. Black olives! Knuckles didn't eat black olives until he went out with a very sophisticated ballerina at the ripe old age of 25. But that's a story for another time. Everyone back to the Knuckles' kitchen.)
So what do you do with your mutilated mangoes? Well, if you stepped into Knuckles' office, you'd witness a cranky grown man with a plastic knife and fork, at his desk, eating a pulpy tropical fruit that's laying on top of wax paper.
Knuckles takes solace in the reality that he isn't the first to go through this transition. Just ask his parents. And he definitely won't be the last. In fact, Knuckles looks forward to reading The Bleat in about ten years.
Thanks, Trilobyte-mag.com for the link. Knuckles is looking forward to exploring what promises to be a very invective site.
BTW, Knuckles has seen pictures of Elian's abduction where they dared to PhotoShop Clinton's head out and replace it with the head in some poor boob with a moustach, helmet and goggles. Ah well, just another government cover up.
Knuckles sent off An Extremely Important Fax from the office today. The fax number was scrawled on a draft copy of a letter Knuckles had written and was revising.
After printing the revision, Knuckles tore up the draft and tossed it into the big trash can in the office kitchen. Upon arriving back at his desk, Knuckles realized his mistake and quickly decided to not call the client back and appear a Big Loser but scuttle back to the kitchen to dig around the trash and simply risk appearing like a Bigger Loser.
The trash can is tall. On the good side, not much garbage was in it. On the bad side, the bits of paper were waaaay at the bottom. Reaching down Knuckles grabbed most of the pieces. "Better get 'em all. You don't want to do this again." Got 'em all. Scuttle back to office. Bits of paper on desk. Unfolding. Looking. Tossing. A-Ha! The piece with the area code and the first three numbers. Excellent start. Keep going. Nothing. Nothing. Hope no one empties old soup in the trash. Wait. Alright! The next three numbers. One to go. One. Number. To. Go.
Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Knuckles is good at tearing things up. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing.
Start over. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Unfold. Nothing. Finally, just as Knuckles is to succumb to a wicked bout of Tourette's and skulk back to the kitchen he finds it! It's the lucky 7!
All is right in the world and Knuckles is very grateful that he's not living in a Seinfeld episode.
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