How To Beat A Suspect Without Attracting Jesse Jackson

First, a little background. Just saw some spectacular highway chase scene video on a cable feed. A news videographer had been covering a truck rollover nearby and caught the entire chase and takedown.

A police cruiser chased down and crushed a minivan going 80 mph into the left side concrete highway divider. Man, that cruiser was just fucking big. Knuckles thought the minivan was an Austin Mini at first.

In a cloud of smoke and flying debris, the cruiser stops the van and two kids jump out of the minivan and run across the four-lane highway. The first is caught on what looked like a side road. The second, excuse Knuckle's for laughing, was caught in nearby field of tall grass. The videographer was shooting from a distance, so that all you saw were about four or five troopers in a circle and Applying the Lumber™. The grass came up over their knees, so you couldn't see the suspect laying in the grass.

But here's was the best part: before each blow with their night stick, the officer would yell "stop resisting!" THWACK! "stop resisting" THWACK! "stop resisting" THWACK THWACK! Beautiful. Although Knuckles suggests they could also say "stop night sticking yourself" THWACK! "stop night sticking yourself" THWACK! THWACK!

Yes, yes, Knuckles understands that someday he himself will be laying in the tall grass, hands behind his head with the Legal Controlling Authorities gathered in a circle and taking their shots. But until that happens, you can go take your lame hypotheticals and fucktard paranoia and cram it up your curry hole.

So far, there hasn't been any protests about the Rodney King-like beating. Why not? For one, there isn't a Caucasion Victims of Injustice Group organized. (And for good reason. The last time that happened, we had to call in the army.)

Second, the shouting of "stop resisting" before applying the night stick to a suspect's thorax is pure genius. Students of karate are taught the same tactic. Shout "no!" or "stop" before plunging your index finger into that soft hollow just below your opponent's larynx.

Third, make sure to keep the body of the suspect hidden from view during the arrest.

Finally, have some kick ass chase video that overshadows the actual arrest.

There you have it. Here's the link to an unedited interview with Steve Saul, the officer who drove the cruiser. Knuckles' browser is acting like a democrat in a roomful of humans and refuses to be nice, so Knuckles can't tell you whether the chase scene is included or not.