But what of the unaligned tyrants and strongmen? The unpopular members of the autocrat club who never employed photogenic sociopaths? Unattractive dictators who can never convince out-of-town entertainers to go down on them? Why, you call Eric Margolis.
Eric Margolis presents himself as a center-right voice of reason. While his grasp of military issues and history is better than most, by shilling for tyrants he's become the Michael Moore for people who don't want their anti-Semitism and anti-Americanism delivered by an uncharming, unwashed, unshaven sack of shit.
Here are excerpts of a February 2001 column where Eric spends quality time with Libyan dictator, Moe Khadaffi a year after his compound was renovated by American bombers.
June 1987: Libya’s ‘Leader,’ Muammar el-Qadaffi, took me by the hand and led me through the wreckage of his former bedroom in the Bab Azizya Barracks.
Ah, we've all been in a situation like this. A little wine. Charming dinner conversation. Tinkling laughter. Then hand-in-hand to the bedroom. What Margolis failed to mention was that he had to hold his note pad in front of his crotch to hide his boner. At least he had the decency to put "just kidding" quotes around the word ‘Leader.’
And Margolis has the whole Arabic spelling of Khadaffi down right. Reminds Knuckles of how the spelling of the Koran is getting really fucking complicated. So nuanced. Or n-Uan-ced. Hey, pal. Knuckles don’t spell German words with umlauts and he'll be goddamned if he has to include el-q to any word instead of a simple K.
A gaping hole in the ceiling showed where a US 1,000-lb. laser-guided bomb had crashed through. Broken rafters and debris clogged the room.
The highpoint of the Khadaffi household tour is a room that was bombed the year before.
Qadaffi’s grip on my hand tightened.
Dude!
He pointed to a broken bed, with a bloodstained cover. ‘That was where my 2-year old adopted daughter was killed by the Americans,’ Qadaffi whispered to me, his face contorted into a mask of pain and anger.
Isn’t this the sort of thing you’d, like, clean up or something? Of course, if you’re leading gullible stooges literally by the hand, it’s good theater. Why not use the death of a two-year old to to good advantage? After all, you're a dictator. You can do anything. Knuckles now knows where Saddam got the inspiration for his “Mother’s Baby Milk” factory sign.
‘If I hadn’t been in my tent in the garden,
Torturing political enemies and counting my stash....
they would have killed me, too.’ Qadaffi stood transfixed, staring at the bed.
Hey Margolis! Khadaffi was waiting for you to make the first move.
It seemed as if he was hearing distant voices from somewhere far away…….
Knuckles takes meds for that. It's quite common. Really.
The column whines its way with yap-yap Yankee-Imperialism yap-yap Misunderstood-Arabs yap-yap Of Course-They-Had-To-Bomb-Pan-Am-103 yap-yap No-Mention-Of-Casualties-Two-Year-Olds-Or-Otherwise yap-yap and then we finally come to the end:
But the US, Britain, and France also have lots of embarrassing skeletons in their Libyan closet they’d prefer to keep hidden. Better to kiss, make up, and get back to business as usual.
"Kiss and make up to tyrants" really means "drop trou, grip ankles and don't even think about getting a reach-around." Oh, one more thing: don't forget to get in a couple shots at the Israelites.
Get back to business as usual? In your wet dreams, Margolis. This column was written in February of 2001...seven months before 9/11. What has he learned?
Nothing
Zero
Zilch
Nadda
Not a thing
Saddam!
One can hope
Kim Jong-il!
Even Margolis believed in WMD
Well, at least he’s consistent. While Musharraf’s an ally of the US, he is also a dictator. And for Margolis, that’s the only thing that counts.
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